6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
TSA doesnโt allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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