Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
