I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I still have a little drunk in my system
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
