I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Shame - the story of my life.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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