can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
