Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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