I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
