Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize