so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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