Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Randomize
