he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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