Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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