i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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