Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
