Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
