The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
