My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
