She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
