i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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