dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
