Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize