I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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