her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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