I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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