Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
this hospital has no fireball
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina