If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
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YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book