how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
