Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
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I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
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I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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