It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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