She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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