Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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