I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
