Small penises have feelings too.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
