Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
