oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Randomize
