Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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