I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
