my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
