We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
