Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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