i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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