I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
