A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
