So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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