Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
