too bad you live with your parents still
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
they need to just BURY HIM!
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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