oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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