what day is it and did you see me today?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize