What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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