but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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