My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
