Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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