YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
