i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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