there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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