My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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