my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Randomize
