Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
