can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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