i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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