Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
