I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
There r osticjed everywhere
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
